Is This Good So Far?
February 28th, 2010 | 
Author: I walked across the dance floor, unsure what I was doing here. What was I doing here? That was the question that I was afraid of. “Hello Catherine.” The voice said. I was spinning in circles trying to find the voice. It was storming outside. The lightening flashed and I caught a glimpse of what he looked like. Tan, with short black hair, and with a small scar next to his lips. It is very noticeable. You could probably see it miles away. “What do you want?” I asked him. Trying not to shiver with fear. “You’re afraid. I can smell it.” He stated, ignoring my question. So I decided to repeat the question. “What do you want?” I asked once again. “You see this bomb?” He asked. I nodded. Even though this room was dark, I could see it very well. “I press this button and we all go up in flames.” He threatened.” You wouldn’t.” I told him. I knew exactly where my gun was. In my car, in the console. It was then when I realized who it was. “You killed my parents.” I accused him darkly. “Yes. But I had no clue that you would take your father’s place as a FBI.” He finished his sentence with a darkly smile. I didn’t trust the smile, one bit. He took a step towards me. I was backing up. In one swift moment, his face was right in front of mine. I lifted my leg and kicked him in the face. Forcing him to go to the floor. I learned that in mine ten years there. He got on his knee’s, touching the place that I kicked him at. It was bleeding fiercely. He now got onto his feet. I grabbed a sick of bamboo that was in the room. He grabbed another piece of bamboo. He swung his piece at my feet. I jumped up.
It was a fight, woman against man. “I would hit you, but you’re a woman.” He said inhaling deeply. We both put the bamboo up. Now we were facing each other. “Yeah, well that’s not stopping me.” I said, and with that I punched him. “You’re going to pay.” He said as he was crawling towards the button. I decided that it was time for me to leave. I ran as fast as I could. I was down the hall when I heard a faint scream. With me knowing that this place was about to be going into flames. I went into the room. There was a boy. He was about seventeen, or possibly eighteen. I untied him and we ran. I glanced at him, he was cut up badly, and I think he might have a broken arm. He never moved that arm. We were now outside. I heard the explosion. “Get down!” I yelled at him. He did as he was told. I did the same.
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it is good, but confusing
every time there is a new speaker, start a new paragraph
yawn
I think it great. But answer me this: How the woman had enough time to get down the stairs, untie the boy and escape when the mad man was near the button to explode everything? Anyway it was very good, keep on!!!
Is a little confussing because it is hard for readers to indenify who is speaking but other than that, its great!
I give it three stars! ***!!!!!!! out of five.
lol! I love the theme.
keep going! Talk to me if you need anything.
bye! And good luck!
I like it, but it is a little confusing. It’s hard for readers to identify who is speaking.